Legion TryOuts
by JudeDeluca
Summary: It's that time of year again. Tryouts at the Legion. What's in store this year? True love, sumo wrestling, H.P. Lovecraft, fangirls, and fire-breathing lizards. Not for the squeamish. Next: Amazoness.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the Legion.

A set of drabbles consisting of Legion tryouts. This isn't the cartoon Legion, but the Threeboot Legion from the comics. The following is an introduction to the tryout with a list of Legionnaires.

* * *

**HEY THERE! ARE YOU UNDERAGE AND PROUD OF IT? DO YOU HAVE AN AMAZING ABILITY LIKE NO ONE ELSE? DO YOU WANT TO TRAVEL TO DISTANT WORLDS AND KICK SUPERVILLAINS RIGHT IN THEIR FLORGING ASS?**

**THEN COME AND TRY OUT FOR THE LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES!**

**IF YOUR ABILITIES AND YOUR METTLE ARE MIGHTY ENOUGH TO IMPRESS THE LEGIONNAIRES, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO FIGHT ALONGSIDE THESE FAMOUS HEROES!**

LIGHTNING LAD - GARTH RANZZ OF WINATH. COMMANDS ELECTRICAL FORCE. (Current Leader)

SATURN GIRL - IMRA ARDEEN OF TITAN. TELEPATH.

COSMIC BOY - ROKK KRINN OF BRAAL. MAGNETISM. (On Secret Mission)

BRAINIAC 5 - QUERL DOX OF COLU. 12TH LEVEL INTELLIGENCE.

ULTRA BOY - JO NAH OF RIMBOR. VARIOUS POWERS UTILIZED ONE AT A TIME.

COLOSSAL BOY - GIM ALLON OF EARTH. GIANT WHO CAN SHRINK DOWN TO SIX FEET.

SHRINKING VIOLET - SALU DIGBY OF IMSK. SHRINKS TO MICROSCOPIC SIZE.

DREAM GIRL - NURA NAL-DOX OF NALTOR. PRECOGNITIVE DREAMS.

INVISIBLE KID - LYLE NORG OF EARTH. INVISIBILITY.

STAR BOY - THOM KALLOR OF XANTHU. INCREASES GRAVITY.

LIGHT LASS - AYLA RANZZ OF WINATH. GRAVITY NEGATION.

PHANTOM GIRL - TINYA WAZZO OF BGZTL. INTANGIBILITY.

SHADOW LASS - TASMIA MALLOR OF TALOK VIII. GENERATES DARKNESS.

TRIPLICATE GIRL - LUORNU DURGO OF CARGG. SPLITS INTO THREE SEPARATE BODIES.

KARATE KID - VAL ARMORR OF EARTH. MARTIAL ARTIST.

PRINCESS PROJECTRA - PROJECTRA OF ORANDO. ILLUSION CASTING.

CHAMELEON BOY - REEP DAGGLE OF DURLA. SHAPE-SHIFTING.

TIMBER WOLF - BRIN LONDO OF ZUUN. INCREASED STRENGTH AND REFLEXES.

GAZELLE - GISELLE SMITH OF TRITON. CONSCIOUS METABOLIC CONTROL.

NIGHT GIRL - LYDDA JATH OF KATHOON. SUPER STRENGTH IN DARKNESS OR PSEUDO-LIGHT. (Reserve Member)

SIZZLE - TEELA SPUUNVLL OF ABADDONUS. ENERGY ABSORPTION, ALTERATION, AND MANIPULATION. (Reserve Member)

TURTLE - BOGDAN TARKA OF DOOPA. EXTREME DURABILITY. (Reserve Member)

DREAM BOY - ROL PURTHA OF NALTOR. PRECOGNITIVE DREAMS. (Off Duty)

THEENA OF BOXTOR. HOST TO SYMBIOTIC TRACKER. (Off Duty)

SUPERGIRL - KARA ZOR-EL OF KRYPTON. SUPER STRENGTH, FLIGHT, AND INVULNERABILITY. (Off Duty)

E.R.G.-1. - DRAKE BURROUGHS OF EARTH. MADE OF ANTI-ENERGY. (Off Duty)

**AND LET US TAKE A MOMENT TO REMEMBER THOSE BRAVE LEGIONNAIRES WHO GAVE THEIR LIFE IN THE LINE OF DUTY.**

SUN BOY - DIRK MORGNA OF EARTH. RADIANCE AND FLAME GENERATION. GAVE HIS LIFE TO DEFEAT SUPERBOY-PRIME.

ELEMENT LAD - JAN ARRAH OF TROM. TRANSMUTATION. GAVE HIS LIFE TO DEFEAT SUPERBOY-PRIME.

MON-EL - LAR GAND OF DAXAM. SUPER STRENGTH, FLIGHT, AND INVULNERABILITY. GAVE HIS LIFE TO DEFEAT THE DOMINION.

**TRY-OUTS: AUGUST 25TH, 3009. LEGION PLAZA.**

**Try-Out I: COSMIC QUEEN **


	2. Cosmic Queen

Disclaimer: I do not own the Legion.

A set of drabbles consisting of Legion tryouts. This isn't the cartoon Legion, but the Threeboot Legion from the comics. The following is an introduction to the tryout with a list of Legionnaires.

* * *

TRYOUT #1: COSMIC QUEEN

NAME: WEXELLE QUOZ

HOMEWORLD: PSYCHE, THIRD MOON OF VENUS

ABILITIES: TRANSMUTATION

"Thank you for the, uh, demonstration, Flat Lad. We'll contact you later. Next."

Lightning Lad, the current Legion leader, called in the next of a long list of applicants as Ron Karr of Neptune, Flat Lad, left the room.

The girl who came into the room wore an outfit of blue, violet, and black, made almost like a gown with sashes and four discs prominent on her chest. She had long black hair and violet eyes. Her blue boots were high heels. She carried a regal air similar to a queen, until she opened her mouth.

"Like, hi! My name's Wexelle, but you can call me, like, Cosmic Queen." Her voice cut through them like a knife through paper.

"We know, it says so on the application." LL said.

"Oh, right. Duh."

"So, um, Cosmic Queen, it says your ability is transmutative powers." Light Lass said.

"Yeah." She said as she twirled a strand of her hair absentmindedly. "So, like, my mom and dad worked in one the nuclear core plants on Psyche, cuz, without them the planet wouldn't be instable."

"You mean 'unstable'." Phantom Girl corrected.

"Ya-eah. That's what I said."

_I thought only blondes were this stupid_, thought Shrinking Violet.

_Hey!_ Thought Saturn Girl.

"So, anyway, my mom, she got, irradiated when she was pregnant with me, and I, like, got born with this power to, turn stuff into other stuff, like that guy, Element Kid."

"Element LAD." Triplicate Girl corrected her, a little zorked.

"That's what I said."

"Can you give us a demonstration of your ability?" Lightning Lad asked.

"Oh sure! Behold!"

She held up her hands and pointed at the Legionnaires, and, in a flash, their uniforms turned into... nothing.

"Uh, what the florg was that?" Ultra Boy asked.

"Hey!" Invisible Kid yelled. The Legionnaires turned in Lyle's direction, and noticed he was EATING his uniform.

"It's chocolate!"

"You're, like, welcome." Cosmic Queen said.

"WHY exactly did you transform Invisible Kid's uniform into chocolate?" Star Boy asked.

"Well, what else would I turn it into? Oh and here!"

FLASH.

THUNK.

"What the-?!" Shrinking Violet yelled.

"I just turned Shrinking Violet's outfit into 24 Karat gold!"

Shrinking Violet fell out of her seat as she struggled in her now heavy, solid gold suit.

"What the zork is wrong with you?!" Violet screamed as she had to shrink out of her suit, and stayed little considering she was now in her boots and underwear.

"Can't you use your power for anything useful? Like turning bullets into steam or something like that." Lightning Lad asked.

"Well that just sounds dumb. Why would I do something boring like that?" Cosmic Queen asked. The others didn't say anything other than the sounds of Lyle chomping on his shirt.

"So, why exactly call yourself Cosmic Queen?" Lightning Lad asked.

"Because I am the BIGGEST fan of Cosmic Boy!" She gushed. "OMG he is SO hot, I'm even the president of the Cosmic Boy Club, Venus Chapter. So I like called myself after Cosmic Boy because he is the COOLEST!"

"But you don't have magnetic powers." Phantom Girl said.

"What's your point?"

The Legionnaires just blankly stared at her severe, and possibly caused by a medical condition, stupidity.

"So am I in, or like, what?"

_We'll get back to you._ Saturn Girl thought.

"Next." Light Lass said.

Cosmic Queen stomped out and Lightning Lad sighed.

"Vi, go change into a new outfit." Lightning Lad told her. They could probably sell the gold suit and use the money.

"This is going to be a long-Lyle quit eating your outfit!" LL ordered.

"But it's so milk choclatey!" Lyle said, now done to his pants with chocolate smeared over his mouth.

**Try-Out II: BELLPEPPER PETE.**


	3. Bellpepper Pete

Disclaimer: I do not own the Legion.

A set of drabbles consisting of Legion tryouts. This isn't the cartoon Legion, but the Threeboot Legion from the comics. The following is an introduction to the tryout with a list of Legionnaires.

* * *

TRYOUT #2: BELLPEPPER PETE

NAME: PEATIR PUMNKIN

HOMEWORLD: POMONA

ABILITIES: ACIDIC REGURGITATION

"Hi there! You might remember me, Sludge. My dad is the Vice Chancellor of-"

"Next!"

The two-time reject Sludge shambled out of the room. In came a boy with greenish gray skin, like a frog's skin, with black hair and black eyes. He was wearing a green suit that had a red bellpepper on the chest. He wore around his waist a worn, brown leather belt with big pouches.

"Hi! I'm Peatir Pumnkin, but you can call me Bellpepper Pete!" The next applicant said out loud.

"Of course you are." Projectra sarcastically said to no one in particular.

"So, Pete, it says here your superpower is..." Lightning Lad trailed off as he read Pete's power on the applicant list.

"'Regurgitation'?" Light Lass asked.

"Yes, just watch!" Pete said as he reached into one of the leather pouches.

"Behold!" He said, holding a large vegetable in the air. "An ordinary red bell pepper. Sweet, crunchy, and full of natural goodness."

_This is NOT going to end well._

"Completely harmless, until..."

Pete took a big bite out of the pepper, crunching and chewing very loudly. Some of the Legionnaires were already a bit disgusted at having to listen to his chewing sounds. He also did not chew with his mouth closed. Suddenly, Pete's eyes began to bug out.

"Hey, are you-?"

Suddenly his cheeks began to swell to huge proportions, until...

"BLEEEECH!"

The Legionnaires cried out and ducked as Pete began puking out some disgusting, red and green vomit. He was like a sprinkler. The stuff nearly coated everything.

Lightning Lad was the first to raise his head from under the desk. He surveyed the room, and ran a finger over some of the goop on his chair. He inspected it up close.

"Yeah, I'm sorry but you don't-OW!"

Garth's finger was burned by the stuff. Then he noticed the goop was beginning to eat away at most of the room. It burned some of the Legionnaires, but not fatally. And apparently the stuff wasn't strong enough to eat through metal, but it did leave a mark. But fabric, oh yeah. Soon, most of the Legionnaires in the front row had their clothes dissolved down to their underwater.

"So, am I in?" Pete asked.

"Next!" Lightning Lad yelled.

Pete slumped out of the room, sad and dejected. When who said walk in-

"Hi, I'm Sludge! My dad's-"

"NEXT!

**Try-Out III: THE WHITE PRINCE**


	4. White Prince

Disclaimer: I do not own the Legion.

A set of drabbles consisting of Legion tryouts. This isn't the cartoon Legion, but the Threeboot Legion from the comics. The following is an introduction to the tryout with a list of Legionnaires.

* * *

TRYOUT #3: WHITE PRINCE

NAME: HENRII CHAHRLIZ

HOMEWORLD: LUNAR COLONY DIANA

ABILITIES: SHAPE SHIFTING

"NEXT!"

The anthropomorphic blob called Goo Guy slithered out. The Legionnaires had changed into new uniforms from the previous tryout. In came a pale boy, all regal in a white prince's uniform. He held his nose up in the air.

_Not another Projectra_. Was Shadow Lass's thoughts.

"Greetings", the applicant said, I am Henrii Chahrliz of Diana, the third Lunar Colony. But please, call me the White Prince." He bowed.

"O... kay." Lightning Lad said. "It says you're a shapeshifter."

"Indeed. I have the ability to transform into a multitude of animals native to the Earth. Watch."

In a flash, the White Prince began a myriad of transformations. From a horse, to a bear, to a wolf, to a lion, to a crane, to a zebra (although it was hard to tell since it had no stripes), finally to a hawk. It flew around the room for a quick demonstration before it settled back in the center of the room.

"I can even transform into animals whose origins are mythic in nature."

The prince began to transformation into the likes of a unicorn, a sea serpent, a manticore, a griffin, a phoenix, until finally he transformed into a huge white dragon and breathed out gray flames in the air. The Legionnaires, though, weren't that impressed. The prince turned back to normal.

"So, when shall I-?"

"Next." Lightning Lad said.

"Excuse me?" The Prince asked.

"We thank you for coming, however the Legion is about DIVERSITY, so we made it clear in our application vids that we would only accept members who have completely unique powers from the members who already serve on the team. We do it to avoid situations like this."

"I, I don't understand." The Prince stammered. "You, you're rejecting me? ME? But, but you've seen what I-"

"I'm sorry, but we don't allow in members who have the same abilities as a current member." Lightning Lad explained, trying to be as civil as possible.

"What? But, but I-"

"Sorry, better luck next time." Light Lass apologized.

"Ne-"

"Who the HELL do you peasants think you are?!" The White Prince screamed at them. "My powers are a million times more useful than that overblown chameleon!"

"Huh? I'm awake!" Chameleon Boy shouted, waking up from his catnap.

"Not for long!" The Prince screamed, about to change back into a dragon, "you yellow piece of-"

"HENRII!"

Suddenly, an old woman, (aren't they all) burst into the room and grabbed the Prince by his ear just as he was about to turn back into a dragon.

"Ow! Let go, mom!"

"WHAT did I tell you about running around in that stupid prince's outfit!"

"But mom! I'm trying out for the Legion!"

"I don't care! You are in big trouble, mister! What did I tell you would happen if you through another temper tantrum?"

"Leggo, mom! You are being super uncool!"

"Kid, listen to your mom." Ultra Boy told him.

"He's not a child, he's 43!"

The Legionnaires, shocked, watched as the room dragged the, apparently, 43 year old White Prince from the room.

"But mom, I'm with my friends!"

"And for the last time you need friends your own age. And stop dressing up like a twelve year old!"

"M-om!"

Suddenly, the next applicant came running in.

"Hi, I'm Pulse Princess! I can send out EMP waves within a five mile radius. Watch!"

KZZZTT!!

The room, and everything else in a five mild radius, was shorted out into darkness. No one said anything.

"So... am I in the Legion?" The so-called Princess asked.

**Try-Out IV: TIME TURNER**


	5. Time Turner

Disclaimer: I do not own the Legion.

A set of drabbles consisting of Legion tryouts. This isn't the cartoon Legion, but the Threeboot Legion from the comics. The following is an introduction to the tryout with a list of Legionnaires.

* * *

TRYOUT #4: TIME TURNER

NAME: TEMPAL FRANGEET

HOMEWORLD: LABYRINTH.

ABILITIES: FREEZES TIME

"Uh, thank you for the very, very informative discussion on the properties of boxes, Cardboard Kid."

"Thank you! You know, most people don't know-"

"NEXT!"

The Cardboard Kid waddled out of the room in both his boxes and in his failure. After that, the next applicant to come in was wearing a horrible collage of what could only be describe as a combination of the costumes of Hourman, Chronos, and Clock King (the first one).

"Hi! I am, the Time Turner!"

"Yes we knooowww thaaaaaattttt..." Lightning Lad began to slur.

"Wwwwwhhhhhaaaaaatttttt... aaaaaarrrreee... yyyyyooooooouuuuuurrrrrr..." Was all Light Lass could get out before she froze completely.

"Darn it! This happens to me every time!" The Time Turner bemoaned, before stomping out of the room after he just ruined his audition for the Legion. Before it even began!

Every one of the Legionnaires was now stuck, frozen in time.

Phantom Girl twirling a strand of her black hair.

Projectra's face contorted in an almost sneeze.

Ultra Boy stuck in mid-belch.

Suddenly, the door's slid open and Chameleon Boy walked back in.

"Hey guys, sorry I-what the?"

He stopped to survey his time stopped comrads. He waved his hands in their faces, transformed into a tiger and roared in their faces, then he poked at Saturn Girl and knocked her over.

"Oops."

Suddenly, a light bulb flashed in his head. This was the perfect opportunity to demonstrate to his friends how unneccesarry the concept of "clothing" was.

...

"rrrrrr strengths?" Light Lass finished. Time finally caught up to the Legionnaires.

"Hey where'd he-"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT THE?!"

The Legionnaires suddenly began to panic when they realized they were completely nude!

Bare breasts and six pack abs, among other things, bared to, ahem, naked air.

Phantom Girl had already phased through the floor, while Projectra and Invisible Kid disappeared.

"Okay! Okay no one-"

Too late. As some of the ones with super strength had started ripping off metal from the walls to cover themselves.

"What? You guys look great!" Cham said/

**Try-Out V: LUCK LASS**


	6. Luck Lass

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

Annie Foxmoore is actually a character who already existed. But she never appeared on panel.

* * *

TRYOUT #5: LUCK LASS

NAME: ANNIE FOXMOORE

HOMEWORLD: EARTH.

ABILITY: PROBABILITY AND LUCK MANIPULATION. BELIEVES TO BE "BLESSED" BY THE LUCK LORDS.

"Um, thank you, uh, Iron Maiden, we'll uh, let you know."

"Thank. You."

SCCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH.

Was the sound of the heavy metal robot girl dragging her feet on the ground as she left the room. Nearly everyone was covering their ears to block out the sound. The floor now had deep scratch marks. The latest bit of damage.

"Next is...?" Lightning Lad said, reading the applicant list. "Luck Lass."

"That'd be me."

In came an orange-haired, freckled girl in a green outfit decorated with shamrocks and four-leaf clovers.

"Hi." She said.

"Okay, it says your power is..."

"I have the ability to alter the natural probability and luck of the people around me." Annie explained.

"And you acquired this power how, exactly?" Phantom Girl asked.

"On a vacation to Ventura I found a stone buried on a beach that was said to belong to the infamous Luck Lords. Ever since I've had the ability to cause accidents or something good to happen."

"Young lady, just because you're nearby when a car crashes or someone wins the lottery doesn't mean you can call it a superpower." Projectra said.

"This coming from the woman who can make a man believe his face is melting off." Light Lass joked, getting a growl from Timber Wolf.

"Can you give us a demonstration?" Lightning Lad.

"Okay, but, um..." Annie trailed off.

"What?"

"It's nothing."

_I have a bad feeling about this._

Annie's hands began to glow red as she pointed to the Legionnaires.

"Here, I'm going to make it so you-oh no!"

Suddenly, her hands turned black, and the three seating rows above Lightning Lad developed a black aura as well. And then-

CRASH!

Cries and screams let out as the seating rows fell through the floor.

"I, I can't always guarantee what luck I'm able to give." Annie said, bashfully grinning.

"That would've be nice to know BEFOREHAND, batwitch!" Timber Wolf yelled from the hole.

"Come back when you have better control, Luck Lass." Lightning Lad said.

Annie sulked out of the room. The other Legionnaires turned their attention to the hole.

"Are you guys okay?!" Phantom Girl yelled into the hole.

"I'm fine! Timber Wolf's giant ass broke my fall." Dream Girl yelled.

"Hey!"

"Well it did!"

**Try-out VI: KING SUMO **


	7. King Sumo

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

For those of you who hate Ultra Boy.

* * *

TRY-OUT #6: KING SUMO

NAME: YUSAKU MOROBOSHI

HOMEWORLD: EARTH

ABILITIES: SUPER-STRENGTH, DURABILITY.

"Um, okay..." Lightning Lad trailed off. Their next applicant after Nature Boy was a large, in both the muscle, height, and weight category, Japanese teen wearing one of those sumo, um, for lack of a better word, diaper. The Legionnaires were all scrunched together in the first row.

"So, does anyone have a go at this?" Lightning Lad motioned.

"Ah, I was getting bored anyway." Ultra Boy said, struggling to get out of his seat. He flew in front of King and stood in front of him.

"Excuse me, but I do not believe it would be wise to fight such a... small, opponent." It was true, compared to the applicant, Ultra Boy looked very small.

"Small?!" Jo screamed.

"I can take care of that!" Said the next applicant, a small blonde kid in a purple outfit. "I'm Weight Wizard."

"Do you mind? We're-" Jo stopped when he suddenly felt tingly.

It didn't take long before Jo became as bloated as King Sumo. Good thing the costumes can stretch to fit anyone. Not so good for Jo, though, who was feeling very, VERY embarrassed for his new ultra gut.

"Ah zork, look at me! I've got man boobs!"

"Don't worry, I can change you back."

"At least now it can be a fair fight." Invisible Kid joked, as nearly every Legionnaires were trying to hide their snickers at Jo's girth.

"Fine, let's just get this over with." Jo sighed.

DING! Went Chameleon Boy as he changed his hands into a bell. King and Ultra Boy got into position.

"Very well, but I must warn you I-"

BOOM!

Within five seconds the King was already through the wall.

"Ha! How's that for 'small'?!" Jo said.

_Nice job, Ultra Boy, you also managed to knock out Weight Wizard too._

It was true, as King Sumo had gone through the wall and landed on the next applicant.

"Which means you're gonna be stuck like that for a while." Phantom Girl joked.

"Awwwww... zork!" Jo stomped his foot, causing the floor to tremble at his weight.

"You mind taking those two to the infirmary?" Lightning Lad asked.

"Yeah, you could use the exercise." Star Boy muttered, earning a shot of heat vision from an irrate Jo before he dragged the two knocked out applicants to the infirmary.

"You know, I could've just fought him." Colossal Boy said to Lightning Lad.

"I know." Lightning Lad said.

_You made Jo go through that just to get back at him for being with me in the pantry, didn't you?_ Saturn Girl asked Lightning Lad in his mind.

_Yes, yes I did._

_Not very responsible for a leader._

_No, but a needed a good laugh today._ Lightning Lad thought.

Try-out VII: CUPID KID


	8. Cupid Kid

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

Things are gonna get freaky up in this grill.

* * *

TRY-OUT #7: CUPID KID

NAME: RHETT FLYNN

HOMEWORLD: EARTH

ABILITIES: CAN FIRE "LOVE ARROWS", ARROWS MADE UP OF PINK PSYCHIC ENERGY WHICH, WHEN STRIKING SOMEONE, WILL CAUSE THEM TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THE FIRST THING THEY SEE.

"Oh God I thought the sumo wrestler was bad..." Phantom Girl muttered.

Standing in front of them was a good looking kid with short blonde hair... wearing nothing but a diaper, a pair of sandals, and a pair of fake wings,

The try-out hall was now damaged beyond damage. Walls torn open, holes in the floor, not enough sitting room. The Legionnaires were all scrunched together in the first row.

The seats, already cramped, had become increasingly uncomfortable thanks to Ultra Boy's recent battle with obesity. Two Legionnaires had already been pressed up against his sides, which they actually acquated to being forced against a mattress. Jo was angrily munching on an energy bar and imagining breaking Weight Wizard's neck. AFTER he turned him back to his six-packed self, of course.

Chameleon Boy was in his own little world, putting on a little show for himself with finger puppets. Formed from his own fingers.

Shrinking Violet attempted to lessen the situation by sitting on Lightning Lad's shoulder.

"So, um, you're, Cupid Kid."

"Yes, that's correct." The applicant said.

"You DO know we have a dress code." Lightning Lad asked. "Right?"

"Oh, I knew I shouldn't have worn open-toed sandals." Cupid Kid said.

"Yeah. Yeah, that's the problem." Light Lass said.

"So, you're able to make people fall in love." Lightning Lad said, reading his application.

"Yes, I can make anyone fall in love with anyone. Especially him." CK pointed to Jo.

"Hey!"

"Watch."

CK held up a metal bow, and managed to manifest an arrow of pink energy.

"Hey-!" Lightning Lad said, before CK managed to fire one at Chameleon Boy."

"Ow!" Reep said, until, suddenly, he caught site of his Saturn Girl finger puppet. It was as if someone had started to play that annoying tune you hear from movies about prom night from the 1950s.

Reep's eyes, his pupils that is, had suddenly turned into two, pink hearts.

"Hi." He said. "I never noticed before how... enchanting you are."

And then he began kissing his own finger, slobbering over it. It was one of the most disturbing things anyone in the Legion had ever seen. Everyone around him were trying to get out of their seats.

"So, am I-"

"NO!" They all shouted amidst the sounds of passion coming from Reep.

"Fine!" Cupid Kid screamed. "Forget you!"

And he flew off.

"Wait! Dammit!" Lightning Lad said. But he was gone. "Now what are we gonna do with him?" He pointed to Cham, who was now doing eskimo kisses with his finger.

"I'm on it." Brin growled. "From the smell of that diaper he shouldn't be hard to find."

"Brin, Jo, go take care of it." Garth said. "We'll take a recess while you guys are gone."

"Come on, fat boy." Brin snarled as the two left.

"You know I could probably sit on you, right?" Jo threatened.

Cham was still whispering sweet nothings into his finger's "ears".

"What else?" Garth sighed as he put his head in his hands.

CRASH!

Bits of the roof fell down. Small chunks of metal fell in Garth's hair. And then the doors opened.

"Hi! I'm Sludge-"

"**GET OUT!!!!!**"

Try-out VIII: BOWEL BUSTER


	9. Bowel Buster

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

Things are gonna get freaky up in this grill.

WARNING! WARNING! DANGER! This chapter is guaranteed to get really, really, REALLY gross. If you are squeamish or just ate, I implore that you ignore this chapter and go read the ones you haven't reviewed yet. You ever see that South Park episode with the "brown noise"?

**PEOPLE I AM NOT KIDDING.**

* * *

TRY-OUT #8: BOWEL BUSTER

NAME: JOSEPH LUIGI CTHATHOSIS

HOMEWORLD: RANXX THE SENTIENT CITY

ABILITIES: CAUSE INVOLUNTARY RELEASE OF A PERSON'S BOWELS BY WHISTLING A PARTICULAR NOTE.

"GET. OUT."

"But I-"

*ZZZZTTT*!

*KRA-KOOM!*

"COME BACK HERE YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF-"

"Princess, come back!"

Too late, Projectra had already gone off against the next applicant. It didn't take long before the brown-clad applicant had been kicked out of the room, leaving the rest of the Legionnaires to wallow in their misery.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God-" Light Lass cried.

"Why? Why, for the love of God, did we allow someone named 'Bowel Buster' into our zorking headquarters?!" Brainiac 5 screamed to their fearless leader.

"Oh God oh God oh God oh God-" Light Lass continued to cry, squirming in her seat.

"Don't blame me! His handwriting is barely legible." Lightning Lad held up his handheld with applicant list. "I thought it said 'Blood Bruiser' or something."

"I thought it said 'Baloney Boy'." Phantom Girl said.

"Where did this freak learn to write?" Star Boy asked.

"Where did this freak get that kind of power?!" Ultra Boy screamed.

"Do we really want to know?" Gazelle asked.

"Oh God oh God oh God oh-"

"Ayla shut up!" Lightning Lad screamed.

"I can't help it!" Ayla said. "It feels like-"

"We ALL know what it feels like, girl." Shadow Lass said.

"Can anyone get up?" Lightning Lad asked.

"Do we really want to?" Invisible Kid.

_Fine, then we can all just sit in it._ Saturn Girl said.

"Well someone's gotta get the Princess back." Dream Girl said, taking out her earplugs.

"You had earplugs?!" Gazelle screamed. "You knew this was gonna happen and you didn't tell us?!"

"I thought Lightning Lad would've been smart enough to know beforehand what he could do." Dream Girl said.

"Can I kill her?" Timber Wolf asked.

"Not before me!" Gazelle said.

"I want her head on a platter!" Light Lass hissed.

"Fine, I died once." Dream Girl said.

"You can come back yourself this time, Nura." Brainiac 5 threatened his wife.

"Fine, then I'll take you with me!" Nura threatened back.

"First things first." Lightning Lad said.

Reluctantly, the Legionnaires were beginning to leave, moaning and feeling very, very, VERY dirty.

Even though the room was empty, the next applicant came in. A snake-girl.

"Hi, I'm Ssssssalamandra. I can... what'sssssss that ssssssmell?"

Try-out IX: KID CTHULHU


	10. Kid Cthulhu

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

Cthulhu part of the Lovecraft mythos.

* * *

TRY-OUT #9: KID CTHULHU

NAME: INAPPLICABLE

HOMEWORLD: THE XENO REALMS

ABILITIES: REALITY MANIPULATION.

"Following unexplainable circumstances, the following try-out auditions for the Legion of Super-Heroes will be handled by Night Girl..."

"Hello." Said Lydda Jath, the ethereal beauty called Night Girl.

"Sizzle..."

"Hi!" Said red-skinned, blue-haired Teela Spuunvll, the energy converting Sizzle.

"Turtle..."

"Nice to be here." Said blue-skinned, shelled Bogdan Tarka, a.k.a. Turtle.

"And me, the Legion's business manager, M'Rissey." Said the young, brown-haired M'Rissey.

The three Legion reservists and the Legion's manager sat in the almost completely destroyed audition room, while the regular Legionnaires dealt with trying to make themselves forget the last applicant.

"Okay, so, next applicant please?" M'Rissey asked.

The doors slid, barely, open, and in stepped a teenage boy, about sixteen, wearing flip-flops, shorts, a hawaiian t-shirt...

and his head was some type of...

THING with wriggling tentacles.

"'Sup?" The, for lack of a better word, boy said.

"Okay mister, it says here your real name's inapplicable." M'Rissey explained.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that, it's just interlac don't really have all the necessary syllables. It's pronounced..."

What followed was a horrifying shriek that sounded as if every single inhuman thing in the world had just been set on fire.

"But my super-hero name's Kid Cthulhu."

"Okay..." Said M'Rissey, whose ears were still ringing.

"So, tell us a little about yourself, Kid." Sizzle cheerfully said.

"Well I come from, like, the Xeno Realms. There this, like, really nasty place that you can't normally get to unless the moons of Taltazar and Sghytfulqua align. Anyway, one day I popped out and decided to just, hang around. I usually just chillax by the beach, surfing, catching some rays, you know."

"It says you have 'reality manipulation' powers." Night Girl said. "How does that work."

"Dudette it is like the coolest thing, watch."

Kid Cthulhu began to squint his black pools for eyes as he began to focus.

CRRRRRREEEEAAAAKKKKK

"What was that?" Turtle asked.

"Up there!" Sizzle pointed.

The metal in the ceiling began to twist and bend in unnatural shapes and forms.

"You can stop now." M'Rissey said, but was ignored. "I said you can stop now. I said-!"

He obviously didn't here him, as Kid Cthulhu began concentrating even harder, and the metal in the walls and the floor began to twist in spirals and contort in new angles. Angles not known to any mathematician.

"What's he doing?!" Turtle yelled.

"He's bringing the place down!" Night Girl said.

Bits of metal fell from the sky. The floor tore open. The walls blew up.

CRASH!

And pretty much all that was left was the front row seat. Oh, and the doors. The rest of the applicants were looking in the wrecked area.

"..." Was all Night Girl, Sizzle, Turtle, and M'Rissey said.

"You are IN!" Sizzle said.

"Radical!"

WHACK!

Went Night Girl upside Sizzle's head.

"What the-?!" Lightning Lad and the rest of the Legionnaires screamed.

Try-out X: LULLABY LASS


	11. Lullaby Lass

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

The application seating has changed.

* * *

TRY-OUT #10: LULLABY LASS

NAME: MISTY JOY

HOMEWORLD: LALLOR

ABILITIES: CAN LULL PEOPLE TO SLEEP BY THE POWER OF HER SINGING VOICE.

"Thank you, Antennae Lad, but until you have better control over your broadcasting ability, I'm afraid we're gonna have to reject you."

"Florg." The rejected Grxyorian applicant cursed as he stepped out of the audition area.

Following the destruction of the audition room in Legion HQ, the auditions had been moved outside into Legion Plaza. The Legionnaires had set up a privacy screen around the audition area, to spare humiliation.

For both the applicants AND the Legionnaires.

"Next!" Lightning Lad called.

As Antenna Lad left, a sleepy-eyed girl with blue hair, dressed in pajamas and a sleeping cap, stepped into the arena.

"Hi, I'm... hey, how come you guys aren't in uniform." Lullaby Lass asked.

Following their unfortunate run-in with Bowel Buster, the Legionnaires learned that they had run out of useable uniforms, and while they were currently being cleaned, they were forced to wear casual clothing.

Lightning Lad was wearing a Magnoball jersey for a Winathian team, the name written in Interlac, and mesh shorts.

Saturn Girl was wearing a stylish blouse and skirt with open-toed sandals, giving her a proper, yet at the same time, smoking hot appearance. In Ultra Boy's words, less "dumpy".

Phantom Girl had an extra set of costumes stashed away in her other-dimensional home of Bgztl, but they were her old costumes.

Star Boy and Colossal Boy, like Lightning Lad, were wearing Magnoball jerseys and shorts.

Light Lass had put on a tank top and short shorts, and let Timber Wolf float in the stratosphere for a good ten minutes when he made a crude remark about her butt.

Shadow Lass used her darkness casting abilities to create the visage of clothing around her.

Princess Projectra had made it clear that she wasn't going to join the auditions until she had her uniforms properly cleaned.

She didn't have anything else.

Ultra Boy, still suffering from the still-unconscious Weight Wizard's power, had to resort to wearing a large Hawaiian t-shirt, red with green flowers, and the last button stubbornly refusing to stay buttoned due to his belly.

Gazelle, like Timber Wolf, barely had any other clothing besides her uniforms. Due to her outcast status amongst the youth of Triton, she didn't socialize much, so she didn't really go out much. So, she was stuck wearing her snowboarding gear, and suffering from the heat. She was currently wishing they had accepted the short kid from Tharr who used to be with the Wanderers.

Invisible Kid had opted to remain invisible, although they insisted he at least put clean underwear and an undershirt on.

Shrinking Violet, sadly, didn't have any clean clothes at all, so she had to borrow from Saturn Girl. And she was very zorked that the only thing that fit her made her look like Imra's diplomat mother.

Timber Wolf had simply put on another dirty uniform he pulled out of the hamper. He'd worn worse, although thankfully they didn't have any... for lack of a better word, brown stains on them. He might've been feral, but he had better hygiene skills than THAT.

Brainiac 5 was wearing dirty lab clothes, the only clothes he had left, and they were making Colossal Boy dizzy, due to the collective fumes from spilled concoctions.

Chameleon Boy still appeared to be wearing the same costume, since, technically, his appearance WAS his clothing so he didn't have to worry.

Dream Girl was still wearing her uniform, mind you, as unlike the others she hadn't soiled it. Of course, she WAS sporting a fresh black eye, a bandage across her nose, and three different sets of bite marks on her arm.

"It's, uh, Casual Monday." Lightning Lad improvised. "So, you are Lullaby Lass."

"That's, *yawn*, right." She rubbed her eyes. "Sorry, I don't get enough sleep."

"There's a shocker." Violet muttered.

"Zip it." Phantom Girl whispered.

"So, anyway, *yawns*, I can make people go to sleep by singing." Lullaby Lass explained.

The rest of the Legionnaires suddenly grimaced at the though of another sound-based applicant.

"Here, I'll demonstrate." She said.

"Uh, no, that's not really-!" They tried to say too late.

"Cover your ears!" Star Boy yelled. They tried.

Lullaby Lass had slowly started to go up and down the scales, until she held a low note for about ten seconds.

"Well, what do you..."

She trailed off when she saw that covering their ears did no good. The Legionnaires were all out.

"Hello?"

Tinya had, as she fell asleep, phased through the seats and was now stuck with her backside sticking up in the air while her top half was hanging upside down from the sewer ceiling. Ayla and Brin had made themselves comfortable by using Jo's bloated gut as a pillow. Brin was twitching, hinting that he was dreaming of chasing after something. Whether it was human or animal was anyone's guess. Shady's shadows had, sadly for her, worn off. Thank God she'd fallen off her seat.

"Hello?" She asked again. Then, as her eyes shifted, she snuck up to Lightning Lad and pulled out the handheld with the applicant list.

"Let's see..." she said, trailing down the list, which had a lot of "no's" and very few "maybes" next to the names. When she finally got to her name, she wrote "Yes", and smirked, until...

"FOREIGN HANDWRITING! FOREIGN HANDWRITING!" The handheld began screeching, and delivered her a 20,000 volt shock which sent her through the applicant screen.

The scream had woken most of them up.

"I told you that anti-cheating program was a good idea." Querl told their fearless leader.

"Alright, alright," Garth said as he rubbed his eyes, "but the robot guard dogs are still out."

Try-out XI: Inside-Out Girl


	12. InsideOut Girl

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

Grossness again, yippity yay.

* * *

TRY-OUT #11: INSIDE-OUT GIRL

REAL NAME: KARIN VON ALLINBURGH

HOMEWORLD: EARTH

ABILITIES: CAN TURN HERSELF INSIDE OUT.

"Okay, so, *munch*, we won't accept Cookie Cutter Kid as a member, *crunch* but we WILL consider him to work in the kitchen." Lightning Lad said with a mouth full of lemon coconut cream bar.

The last applicant, a guy dressed up as a baker, named Cookie Cutter Kid, had left behind five different plates of five different kinds of cookies. Lemon coconut bars, double fudge chocolate chip, strawberry meringue, rainbow sprinkle jubilee, and apple-pumpkin turnover.

Not a very useful superpower for fighting, but definitely good for the kitchen.

Ultra Boy reached for the last strawberry meringue, but it was snatched by Timber Wolf.

"Hey! That was mine." Jo said to the grumpy wolf boy.

"Yeah, that's just what you need." Brin said, poking Jo's bulk with a clawed finger.

FWWWWOOOSSHH!

Went Jo's ultra breath as he froze Timber Wolf's head in a block of ice. His features frozen in place, Brin had to pantomime his feelings as he began banging his fists on the ice block.

"Nice one, big guy." Phantom Girl complimented to Ultra Boy as Brin started banging his head on the table to try and get the ice of.

"I do try." Jo said, taking her compliment well.

POP.

Went that last button on his shirt for good.

"Florg, I just had it done!" Jo cursed to himself, now struggling to keep the shirt closed.

"Nex-Tinya would you mind?" Garth asked, getting annoyed by the sound of Brin bashing his head against the table.

"Do I have to?" Tinya asked.

"Well, do we need him anymore pissed off if he suffocates?" Garth question her.

"Alright, if I have to." Tinya said, and phased the ice block off of Brin's head. It shattered on the floor. Brin began gasping for air, his hair and face soaking wet and freezing.

"You had to take your sweet time?!" He screamed at Tinya.

"Ever heard of mouthwash?" Tinya shot back.

"Next!" Garth said.

A short teenage girl, cute like a Barbie doll, stepped in. She had blue eyes, her blonde hair done with two pigtails, and dimples in her cheeks as she smiled. Her superhero suit was actually a t-shirt with a diagram of the human body's system of organs drawn on it.

"Hi there, glad you could make it today." Garth said in a somewhat neutral voice. The applicant giggled.

"Hi! I'm Karin Von Allinburgh, but you can call me-"

She stopped as her mouth opened as wide as she could, and her internal organs began to spill out, as if she was puking out wads of multicolored bubblegum and chicken fat.

"Inside-Out Girl!" The quivering blob of internal organs shuttered out, her teeth shaking, on the outside.

The Legionnaires gaped in horror at the sight of internal organs, hearts and lungs, beating and breathing on the outside. Wet and covered with mucus and slime, intestines, stomach, spleen, gallbladder, kidneys. Throbbing vines and muscles. It was like she was wearing a body suit made out of organ meat and ABC gum.

"Uh, uh, just, we'll uh, just go." Lightning Lad order, his face a ghastly shade of green.

The horrifying visage of a human girl shambled outside the audition area.

"Oh God, I don't..." was the sentiment for all the Legionnaires. The collective sound of gurgling stomachs and woozy heads was met by the enthusiasm of the next applicant.

"Hi, I'm Bucket Boy!"

"BLECH!"

"Does this mean I'm in?"

Try-out XII: Stardust.


	13. Stardust

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

The end of the Ultra Boy joke. You know what they say about good things going on for too long.

* * *

TRY-OUT #12: STARDUST

REAL NAME: DORAN KON

HOMEWORLD: ALKATOR

ABILITIES: SUPERSPEED.

"Okay so, Triplicate Girl, your report?" Lightning Lad asked.

"Power Lad, no." The first one said.

"War Lad, no." The second one said, partially on fire.

"Famine Lad, no." The third one said, emaciated, until finally the three combined back into one.

"I'm guessing we won't be trying out Death Lad, then." Ultra Boy said.

"Nope." Lightning Lad said. "Next!"

In came a boy wearing a black body suit with a yellow star in the center, with sandy brown hair tied in a ponytail.

"Hi, I'm Stardust!"

That earned some snickering from both Ultra Boy and Timber Wolf.

"Hi, so, you have superspeed, it says." Lightning Lad said.

_A useful power._ Saturn Girl thought.

"Yeah, I was walking home one day when I got hit by a comet. And survived. When I woke up, I couldn't slow down. It took me years of training in order to learn to control my speed." Stardust explained.

"Well, we do need a speedster, besides Ultra Boy, since he can only use his powers one at a time, but you need to prove you're capable enough." Lightning Lad explained.

"Hey, I'll give the kid a race." Jo said as he got up. "It'll finally give me a chance to burn off the ultra gut." He said, hands on stomach.

"Why didn't you do that before?" Karate Kid asked.

"Because he's on the clock." Lightning Lad explained, still taking a bit of happiness from Jo's misery, but deciding he'd suffered enough.

"You sure this is a good idea?" Brin objected as Stardust and Ultra Boy set up the starting line.

"What could go wrong?" Invisible Kid asked.

"Yeah, well you ain't the ones who're gonna be able to hear his thighs scraping together thr-"

WHOOP!

"Oh dear. I accidentally phased Timber Wolf through his seat and into the sewer system. What could I have been thinking?" Tinya said as woodenly as a museum of fossilized trees.

"On your ma-GO!" Cham said, and a black-and-yellow blur began racing alongside a green-and-red blur.

Again.

And again.

And again.

The two blurs going by the application area two more times before seemingly stopping for good.

Five minutes later.

Ultra Boy finally reached the try-out area again. He stopped to catch his breath and wipe the sweat from his brow. When he looked up, Jo snickered a bit when he saw Brin covered in sewage.

"Where's Stardust?" Star Boy asked.

"He kept up with me until he blew out a hamstring somewhere along our third pass through New Xanadu." Jo said as he was taking his seat. "Then he started limping until he had to stop in East Dakota. The kid's fast. He's got my vote."

"FINALLY!" Lightning Lad exclaimed. "One of the only capable applicants we've had all day since Johnny Napalm."

"Uh, Jo, what happened to your shirt?" Ayla asked.

"Huh? Oh, thing burned off around Ivy Empire." Jo said.

"So, you wanna get a new one?" She asked again.

"Nah, the breeze feels good." Jo replied, smirking, especially on a pair of rock hard abs and well muscled arms.

Try-out XIII: Mirror Mistress.


	14. Mirror Mistress

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

The end of the Ultra Boy joke. You know what they say about good things going on for too long.

* * *

TRY-OUT #13: MIRROR MISTRESS

NAME: SEMENTHA SKUTTER

HOMEWORLD: RIMBOR

ABILITIES: CAN CREATE MIRROR-IMAGE DUPLICATES OF PEOPLE.

"Don't worry, it'll wear off within the hour."

"It better. Next!"

The latest applicant, another former member of the United Planets Young Heroes, named Virus, walked out of the application area, another new applicant stepped in, dressed in a female version of Mirror Master (the name of at least six different villains who fought the Flash Family), walked in. She choked a bit when she saw that at least three of the male Legionnaires now spotted feminine features and cleavage.

"Damn Granderian Gender-Reversal Germs." Colossal GIRL muttered. Star Girl and Brainiac 5 nodded in agreement.

"Okay there, miss..." Light Lass asked.

"Mistress, Mirror Mistress." She said.

"It says here you can create mirror duplicates of people." Lightning Lad said, reading off the handheld.

"Just watch." Mirror Mistress said with a smirk, then pulled out a gun from her back and fired a ray at Ultra Boy. The resulting flash created a mirror duplicate of Jo, only, it wasn't an EXACT duplicate.

"Uh, what's wrong with him?"

The duplicate's skin was grey and clammy, like a corpse, and it's eyes were yellow and looking off in opposite directions.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh!" The sound came out of its mouth and cut through nearly everyone, especially those with sensitive hearing. It was like the sound of claws attempting to render through diamond glass, or inertron.

"Get rid of it, get rid of it!" Lightning Lad ordered.

"And in a flash, the duplicate was gone.

"So, what do you think?" Mirror Mistress asked.

"No." Lightning Lad said. "I'm sorry, but if you were really serious about joining the Legion, you'd have read our Application Clause about having artificial powers."

"Artificial?"

"All of us have powers from birth, or gained from accidents or years of training. We don't accept members who have to rely on weapons and gadgets to create their powers since they could easily break in the middle of battle. Sorry."

"*Sighs*, it's alright." Mirror Mistress said, and slunk off.

"God, this has been a long day." Karate Kid said to Cham.

"!" Cham replied, his eyes looking off in different directions.

"KNOCK IT OFF!"

Try-out XIV: SNOWBUNNY LASS.


	15. Snowbunny Lass

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

For this chapter we move the auditions AWAY from the try-out area.

* * *

TRY-OUT #14: SNOWBUNNY LASS

REAL NAME: BUNNY BLITZEN

HOMEWORLD: PLUTO

ABILITIES: CAN SURVIVE ANY CRASH OR WIPEOUT ON THE SLOPES.

"For this special try-out, a team of Legionnaires have temporarily journeyed to the slopes of Neo Aspen to try out the next applicant, Bunny Blitzen, a.k.a. Snowbunny Lass."

The applicant in question was a girl dressed up in pink, blue, and white snowboarding gear, with a hood that had two pink bunny ears dangling.

The Legionnaires that had come, via transmatter gate, were Lightning Lad, Chameleon Boy, Invisible Kid, Saturn Girl, and Timber Wolf.

"I don't why we had to go somewhere so florging cold." Brin muttered.

"You're the one who doesn't wear shoes, you've got nothing to complain about. And besides, Brainy built climate shielding into our rings." Lyle chided him.

"Stupid thing shorted out when I got covered in florging sewage." Brin muttered, thinking about a way to re-pay Tinya. "This batwitch better be worth it."

"We're ready when you are, Snowbunny Lass." Lightning Lad said.

"Watch this." She said as put her goggles on. "Now, no matter what happens, don't try to help me. I'm gonna walk away from this easy peasy."

"Just start already." Brin complained.

"Did we HAVE to bring him?" Cham asked Saturn Girl.

_He was scaring the other applicants._ Saturn Girl thought.

"I can hear you." Timber Wolf threatened.

"Guys, knock it off." Garth told them.

"BANZ-oof!"

She wasn't on the slopes five seconds and she already fallen off her board, and stared to tumble... tumble...

She hits rocks and peaks. Bumped into trees. Knocked down other skiers and boarders.

Her limbs got bent in horrible angles. Rocks cut into her skin. The Legionnaires could barely look.

Finally, she hit the bottom, a stretch of road. Lying there. Still, so... still.

"Is she alright?!" Invisible Kid asked.

She simply got up and brushed off some of the snow on her jacket.

"She's... alive?" Lightning Lad asked.

"See?!" Bunny called up from the bottom. "I told you I could-"

HONK HONK!

WHACK!

"Oooh!" The Legionnaires winced once the truck had plowed into her. A solemn look on their faces, Cham had transformed his hand into a trumpet and began playing "Taps" as the others bowed their heads.

Try-out XV: Tyroc.


	16. Tyroc

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

For this chapter we move the auditions AWAY from the try-out area.

* * *

TRY-OUT #15: TYROC

REAL NAME: TROY STEWART

HOMEWORLD: MARZAL ISLAND, EARTH

ABILITIES:

"Whoa..." Ultra Boy went. So did nearly all the other boys as the next applicant after Baked Beans Boy left the area and the fragrance began to lift.

In stepped an ebony-skinned, white-clothed, African girl with long, wavy black hair.

"Hey." She said.

"Um, so, it says here you're-"

"Troy Stewart." The girl replied. "My 'super-hero' name is Tyroc. It means 'Scream of the Devil'."

"No, it doesn't." Brainiac 5 corrected.

"It does where I'm from. Got a problem with that?" She asked.

"What I DO have a problem with is why you have a boy's name." Brainiac 5 replied.

"None of your business, that's why." Tyroc sneered, her arms crossed.

"I'm just going to take this moment to point out that I have little to no interest in joining your precious Legion." Tyroc explained.

"As do about half our other members..." Lightning Lad muttered. "Then, your reason for joining is...?"

"Because the elders of Marzal Island felt it was high time they had more influence on the world outside our cultural, even though the United Planets and the Legion have done NOTHING for us." Tyroc explained.

"You know, the reason for that could be because Marzal had completely cut off all ties to the outside world, and anyone who ever tries to get close to it gets blown out of your airspace." Light Lass sarcastically quipped. "It could be, I'm not a hundred percent sure."

Tyroc just gave off a sourpuss face.

"Hey, lay off the girl, Ayla..." Jo said. "If she wants to join, she can join..." Jo finished, his ultra vision wandering near her breasts and

"She's gotta prove herself, first." Lightning Lad reminded. "It says you have... 'super-powered screams'? Like a sonic cry?"

"Not exactly." Tyroc explained. "Can I get a volunteer?"

"Well, anything to serve in the line of duty..." Jo said as he hopped down in front of her.

"Back off, boy, and would it kill you to put a shirt on?" Tyroc asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Could you please begin?" Phantom Girl asked.

"Come at me with your ultra strength." Tyroc explained.

Jo began to charge, when Tyroc's lips parted and out came...

"AHHRRRRRR!" Tyroc screamed.

THUNK!

Jo ran smack dab into a force field created by Tyroc's scream.

"What the foob?" Jo asked.

"Is that all?" Projectra sneered.

"Just watch, your 'highness'." Tyroc sneered back.

"How DARE you, you little-"

Projectra had already gotten out of her seat when Tyroc went-

"OYYUUUUUU!"

POOF.

Projectra had disappeared. A crashing sound was heard outside the applicant area, and a bunch of cries rang out as Projectra stormed back inside, a blood vessel attempting not to burst in her head.

"My screams can also manipulate plants, wind, weather, water, create vertigo, among other things, and even freeze things solid, if need be." Tyroc explained.

"How exactly did you get this power?" Lightning Lad asked.

"You find that out if I get voted in." Tyroc adamantly stated.

"Babe, you got my vote." Jo said as he put his arm around her.

"You know that virus girl who tried out?" Tyroc asked.

"Yeah, what about it, baby?" Jo said.

"Know what Granderian Gender Reversal Germs are..."

POOF.

He turned back into a boy.

"Baby?" Troy asked to Jo's horrified face.

THUD.

Went Jo as he fainted.

"Welcome to the Legion of Super-Heroes." Lightning Lad said.

Try-out XVI: LIFEGUARD LASS AND BAYWATCH BOY


	17. Lifeguard Lass & Baywatch Boy

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

For this chapter we move the auditions AWAY from the try-out area.

* * *

TRY-OUT #16: LIFEGUARD LASS & BAYWATCH BOY

REAL NAME(S): PEMELA SPEELBURG & DEVIDD HAESSLEHUFF

HOMEWORLD(S): VENTURA

ABILITIES: THE POWER TO RUN IN SLOW MOTION (AND LOOK GOOD DOING IT)

"Yeah, thank you, uh, Misconstrued Continuity Lass, we'll let you know what happens." Lightning Lad said.

"Next!" Sun Boy called in.

And then, in came a stacked girl in a red bathing suit, and a boy in a pair of red swimming trunks. They both had whistles around their necks, and they were both running. Slow. Very, very, slow.

"Um, you think you guys could hurry up?" Phantom Girl asked.

They didn't even open their mouthes. They just kept smiling and running in slow motion.

"Where is that music coming from?" Kinetix asked.

As the two applicants were running there was some music playing in the background, and they couldn't tell where it was coming from.

"I thought we said that Background Music Boy couldn't join?" Jo asked.

The two barely got an inch towards them.

"God this is gonna be a long day..."

ONE HOUR LATER.

"Hi, I'm Lifeguard Lass!"

"And I'm Baywatch Boy!"

"Sorry, but in the time it took you two to get here we already tried out Spring, Summer, Fall, AND Winter. NEXT!" Lightning Lad called.

And then the two turned around, and started to run again-

"JUST WALK!" The Legionnaires screamed.

"You're no fun!" Lifeguard Lass said, and the two beachcombers walked out.

NEXT: Miss Muscles


	18. Pagan Lass

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

**Dedicated to the memory of Alice Tabor, a.k.a. Pagan Lass of Legion World.**

**Alice was a fellow member of the LW messageboards, although I don't believe I've ever really chatted with her on there.**

**"At 5:05 today May 5 2010 Alice Tabor, AKA Pagan Lass, Passed Away peacefully in her sleep from complications due to C.O.P.D.**

**She leaves behind A grieving husband, 5 sons, and 8 grandchildren.**

**She was 56 years old."**

**She was married to fellow member Abin Quank.**

**I just, I wanted to do something nice for her and her husband.**

* * *

TRY-OUT #17: PAGAN LASS

NAME: ALYCE TAEBOUR

HOMEWORLD: TALUS

ABILITIES: SPELL-CASTING

"I thought the next one was named Miss Muscles?" Phantom Girl asked.

"Apparently she threw her back out trying to lift up…" Lightning Lad trailed off as he was reading the membership info. "I'm not sure if I'm reading this right."

"The skeletal remains of John Goodman." Light Lass read aloud.

"Let's move on to the next, then." Lightning Lad said.

"Hi!"

In stepped a beautiful, red-haired woman in a green outfit and a pointed witch's hat.

"I'm Pagan Lass."

"Great, another so-called 'witch'. As if this one wasn't bad enough." Brainiac 5 muttered as he pointed a finger to Projectra.

"You miserable…" The Princess scowled.

"Hickory Dickory Dox!" Pagan Lass said as she pointed to Brainy.

"What the-"

POOF.

In a puff of smoke, Brainiac 5 emerged as small, chattering, green mouse.

"Aww, how cute!" Dream Girl said as she picked up Brainy Mouse.

"You're telling me." Ultra Boy said, checking out the applicant. He suddenly rushed by her side with help from some ultra speed.

"Hey babe. So, you doing anything-"

"I'm married." She coldly replied.

"Seriously?" He asked.

"In about five seconds you're gonna be back to sumo form if you don't-"

ZIP!

He was back in his seat.

"Okay then."

"So, is that all you can do?" Light Lass asked.

"Well, if you want to see something REALLY impressive I'm gonna need a big bonfire, a bunch of virgins, and goat's blood."

"That's ridiculous, goats have been extinct for three centuries." Phantom Girl said.

"And who's fault is that?" Pagan Lass asked.

"How long have you had your powers?" Lightning Lad asked.

"I've only been at this for a year, mind you, but as you can see…" She motioned to Brainy.

"Yeah, about that. Is he gonna be stuck like that for long?" Star Boy asked.

"Who's complaining?" Dream Girl asked back.

"Gone, gone, the form of mouse, return again, o green skinned louse."

POOF.

Brainy was back to normal, but he looked confused.

"Why do I suddenly have a craving for cheese?"

"Anything else besides mice?" Light Lass asked.

"Well… fair is foul and foul is fair, Legion HQ, float in the air!"

There was a rumbling noise. And with that, Legion HQ was indeed in the air.

"I could've done that." Light Lass said.

"Me too." Star Boy concurred. Pagan Lass looked a bit peeved.

"Biff, bam, pow, zap, both of you, now shut your traps!"

The mouths of the two, Ayla and Thom, suddenly zipped shut.

"Mmf!"

"So, what do you think?" Pagan Lass asked as the two Legionnaires began pulling at their mouths to open.

"Impressive so far, we'll let you know." Lightning Lad said.

"Cool!" Pagan Lass cheered. "But before I go, through thick and thin, every fad and trend, now it's time for this chapter to

END.


	19. Amazoness

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion.

My attempt at putting a Wonder Woman-esque character in the Legion.

* * *

TRY-OUT #18: AMAZONESS

NAME: KYLIAS

HOMEWORLD: THEMYSCIRA, GAEA

ABILITIES: STRENGTH, DURABILITY, ABOVE AVERAGE SPEED, ADEPT IN HAND TO HAND COMBAT, AGILITY

"Okay, so far, we have Johnny Napalm, Stardust, and Pagan Lass as possible candidates." Phantom Girl listed. "Who's next?"

"Ah, Amazoness." Lightning Lad read out loud.

"That would be me."

In stepped a woman who appeared to be seventeen or eighteen, amazingly tall in height, dressed in gear akin to an amazon warrior from ancient Greece, like you'd see in a Wonder Woman cartoon. She had wavy blonde hair and eyes like the sky at dusk. She had a full figure. That is, not to say she was fat or obese, but had curves and a heart-shaped face. She didn't have arms or legs like stick figures and her skin had a healthy tan to it.

"Oh."

"My name is Kylias of Themyscira. I've come to join your Legion." The warrior explained. She spoke with such confidence.

"Themyscira? Paradise Island?" Light Lass asked.

"There is no other to speak of."

"I didn't even know there were any Amazons left." Star Boy said.

"Not on this planet." Kylias explained.

"The Amazons left Earth to colonize the asteroid Gaea in the 22nd Century." Brainy clarified.

"A good three hundred years before the rest of man's world did so." Kylias said.

"Well, she certainly is humble, isn't she? Remind you of anyone?" Invisible Kid joked, eyeing Princess Projectra.

"Just for that you're blind, worm!" Projectra snapped.

"Hey!" Lyla said as his eyes suddenly went white. Timber Wolf smirked.

"Princess give Lyle his sight back." Garth sighed.

"Hmph." She muttered, and did so.

"So, anyway, Kylias," Garth said, reading her application, "it says here your skills are…"

"I am a master at both armed and unarmed combat. I have strength that is thirty times that of even a Daxamite and the durability of a Dryad."

"Yeah, yeah, but uh, if you haven't noticed, aren't you a little… big?" Timber Wolf asked.

"Hey, big girls can be hot." Jo said.

"Excuse me?" Kylias asked. Garth was about to clarify what Timber Wolf meant. Or rather, making up for it.

"What he means is that-"

"If you are inquiring to my size, in my culture we've been taught that ALL forms of the body are both beautiful, acceptable, and dangerous." Kylias said, proud. "I am not ashamed that I am large, my body's size reflects my health and abilities. In fact, I would like to inquire if you female Legionnaires suffer from any eating-based maladies. You all seem like to be a bit on the sickly side."

"WHAT?" The girls all shouted.

"Forgive me, I did not mean to come off as rude." Kylias apologized.

"ANYWAY, moving on," Garth said, "as for your try-out."

"May I? I am a warrior princess, if you haven't forgotten." Shadow Lass said.

"If you wish." Kylias said. "However, I would prefer it if I may fight Karate Kid and Ultra Boy as well."

"All three of us?" Karate Kid asked.

"Ooh. A four-way." Jo smirked.

Pervert, Saturn Girl thought.

"Isn't that a bit-"

"It would be an insult to my standing as an Amazon to fight just one." Kylias said.

"Whatever floats your boat, babe." Jo said as the three floated down.

"Shall we begin?" KK asked.

"By Hera's grace, we shall." Amazoness spoke. And the battle began. Karate Kid went first.

He can find just about any weakness in anyone. But God knows he was a hard time finding her's. And vice versa. The two kept landing blows.

"You're good. VERY good."

"I spent a summer training with Amazons, once. Once you get past the whole misogyny they're not so bad. KAI!"

She blocked a kick with her wrist.

He dodged a fist to his stomach.

He round-house kicked her across the face.

She elbowed him in the jaw.

"Oh that is a rather outdated stereotype, I assure you. We do not HATE men…"

She caught his leg.

FLIP.

CRASH!

"We simply find you rather annoying." Amazoness spoke.

"Now, that ain't very nice." Jo said in her ear.

"HA!" She attempted to elbow him in the face. Ultra-speed.

Went her heel into the pavement. Jo was spinning circles around her in

"Stand still and fight me!" Amazoness beckoned.

"Aw come on, can't we just cuddle?" Ultra Boy asked.

Before she knew it he had her in a head-lock.

"Just to let know, you're hot for a big chick." He told her.

"How flattering." Amazoness replied, before she grabbed him by the hair and hoisted him head-first through the pavement. Again, and again.

"I got here late, but I understand you had something of a weight problem?" She asked, momentarily stopping.

"For like five chapters, yeah." He muttered. She smirked.

"Too bad. I prefer a man who is well-fed." She replied, and began spinning around and around, and threw him in the air like a discus.

"Whoa!" The other Legionnaires said.

"And he is OUTTA HERE!" Cham spoke.

"According to my sensors he just landed in New Sumatra." Brainy spoke.

"Sad. Now then." Amazoness spoke, turning her attention to Shadow Lass.

"Oh please, you may have made mincemeat of the kid and the hound dog, but-"

"But nothing."

SWIPE!

Before Shady could react Amazoness' fist landed a good punch right across her face. Shady managed to stand her ground, before raising her hand to her face and wiping blood from her nose. Amazoness smirked.

"Alright, you batwitch, come on!"

The sound of a shadow field rising and the two

ONE HOUR LATER

The dark field had dissipated, and the two warriors were still standing. Albiet beaten, bruised, and bloody.

"*Huff*. *Huff*." They both went, the amazon and the Talokian warrior.

"Shady, Amazoness, enough." Lightning Lad said. "We have other

"C, come on. Come on!" Shady beckoned.

"With puh-pleasure." Amazoness snarled.

"Shady. Shady! Enough!" Garth ordered. "ENOUGH! BOTH OF YOU!"

The two simply shot him angry glares and he, surprisingly, stared them back.

"Shady, go to the med center. I'm pretty sure those teeth knocked out of your head are still salvageable." Garth said.

"Will you stop spinning around?" Shady asked.

"Go. Now." Garth said.

"Alright, alright." Shady muttered as she sulked off, and popped her dislocated shoulder back in place.

"What'd I miss?" Jo asked as he walked back in.

"What did I miss?" Val asked.

"Amazoness, you certainly are sturdy, and strong enough. Not many people could do that to Val."

"Do what?" Val asked. He looked around. "I thought the try-outs were tomorrow."

"Have I joined the Legion?" Amazoness asked.

"You're in the finals." Tinya said.

"Excellent. Now then."

"Hey what the-?"

"Hey!"

She hoisted Jo and Val by their pants.

"I have bested the both of you in combat. By that right, you are now my concubines."

"Concubines?" Val asked.

"Oh what hot hell did you-?" Jo screamed.

"And as such, my first order of business is for us to retire to my quarters. Wine, food, music, in a tribute to Dionsyus. You," she motioned to Val, "I do hope you're more limber in the bed. And that you have strong teeth. And you," she eyed Jo, "I do believe you'll need a proper meal. Or eight of them. I do enjoy the company of well-fed men."

"Guys? GUYS?" The two screamed.

"AHAHAHAHAHA!" She laughed out loud and dropped the two flat on their faces. "We Amazons DO have a sense of humor, you know."

"Great, another nutjob." Brin muttered.

"I like this one." Tinya said. "She's funny."

**Try-out XIX: Romance Novel Lass**


End file.
